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Monday, November 29, 2010

Thought for the holidays

It's that time of year again.  The time of year when radio stations feel an overwhelming need to play Christmas music of all varieties; the only time of year when non-country, non-oldies stations will play things like vintage 1947 Gene Autry. The time of year, in fact, when the radio stations show some decency as compared to, say, Wal-mart, which by this point has been playing this stuff for nearly a month, because as we all know, nothing says Christmas like autumn leaves, 70 degree temperatures, and turkey shopping!

We were on our way to my parents for Thanksgiving dinner, and the radio was playing the required holiday-themed stuff, when "Frosty The Snowman" came on.  If you've forgotten the lyrics (and if you have, good lord, haven't you been paying attention at all?), here's a snippet:

There must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found,
For when they put it on his head he began to dance around

And that got me thinking....

If the hat is magic --
if the hat is the source of Frosty's liveliness, personality, and mobility...
Dude, you could pretty much put the hat on anything vaguely person-shaped, and it would work.  Right? You wouldn't need to wait till wintertime to build a snowman; you could use it year-round!

For Halloween, you could break out a plastic skeleton and put the hat on, and you and your new friend Scully could go trick-or-treating while your parents stay home and hand out candy!  Win-win!

Go back even earlier in the year and you could make a scarecrow -- although, on further consideration, thay might not be the best idea.  Historically, animated straw people don't usually turn out well: best case, you've got some guy trying to take your daughter off on a road trip to an unspecified destination with the intent of getting advice from a travelling snake-oil salesman.  Worst case, you've got something like Children of the Corn.  Not good.  Okay, skip the scarecrow.

But you see what I'm saying here, right?  Right?  Keep the hat out of the attic.  Use the hat.

***

By Way of an Explanation


Mentally torturing my husband is one of the things I live for in life - I try very hard to come up with something absurd enough to make his brain hurt, and he tries desperately hard not to laugh because It Would Only Encourage Me. I've warned him multiple times that that look he gets - the one that says, "I am a mature adult and I refuse to laugh at this silliness (no matter how much I'd like to)" - is just as rewarding for me as his actually laughing, but either he's refusing to Get It, or he's decided that his half of the game is to play the part of Mature Adult Refusing to Laugh.

Now that you know this, you pretty much know everything there is to know about my personality, sense of humor, and the best dynamics of our marriage. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a sad thing that I can sum all those things up so quickly and easily, but there they are.

The main point is, you have some idea of where my brain most likes to go, and why.

Ooh! Mardi Gras!

Zelda the Zombie
was a corpse without a soul
with a shambling gait
and a lust for brains
and one eye that's just a hole...

Happy holidays, everyone.  (Keep the hat.)

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