Somehow I made it through yesterday, and today I find myself more comfortable with the idea of staying off the machine, in the interests of getting stuff done and, oh by the way, saving my marriage.
Yes, you read correctly. I'm not joking when I say I have an internet problem. Just like other "problems", this one is affecting my relationships and overall happiness. Like other addictions, my mainlining the Internet is a way to escape from something that I would be better served by simply facing and moving through. It's a shame that I kind of suck at that.
A commenter suggested I not try to torture myself by going "cold turkey", but that just won't work for me, and that makes sense. People with drinking problems don't get anywhere by deciding to only get hammered five days a week instead of seven. With one exception*, people in drug rehab don't get the luxury of tapering off their habit – they go straight to detox, consisting of a private little room with a bed and a toilet, which will shortly become that person's best friend.
*The exception being if, and only if, the reactions from going completely off their drug would kill them. Quitting the Internet during the day will not even cause me physical harm.
So I guess you could say I'm in detox. Yesterday was pretty reaction-heavy, and today doesn't feel all that great either, but I can't, must not, let bad news push me to go a-surfing for the entire damn day.
The hard part will be managing not to find something else to escape into; the weather and my mood are perfect for a good long mope.
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In other news, I did get more research and design done on my embroidery project, and I like how it is looking now. This is going to be a relatively long and narrow strip of fabric that is meant to hang off a belt. The idea is that in days of chivalry, lords would wear such tokens – often a glove or handkerchief – when they entered jousts and tournaments, indicating that they had a particular lady's favor, or fought to defend her honor and virtue. For my husband, the "belt favor" I'm making will depict me and our daughter, done up to look medieval, and embroidered to the limit of my capacity to obsess.
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I thought talking about that might help me feel better, but it isn't working. Merry effin' Christmas, y'all.
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