Chapter 8 and other nonsense

Well, it's been a bit since I've posted here, hasn't it? That's probably because all my activity lately has been in fandom, and I generally put forth a little bit of effort to keep my fandom life and my "real" life separate. I've been busy writing a novel-length work that I just finished and which has proven pretty popular, so yay for that! But it's not "original" work, so for some people, it doesn't count.

Whatever. They're entitled to their opinions, but since they don't read my stuff anyway, I don't have to worry about those opinions. Win-win for all involved.

Anyway, now that my 100,000 words of fanfic are complete (I did say it was novel-length), I can finally come back and devote energy to the original novel that I've been working on! If you're one of the two people who follow this blog, you'll know that I posted a draft of Chapter 7 to my reading crew back in September. Here it is December, and I'm finally done with Chapter 8. Yes, I know this is slow; that's what happens when you're writing a different novel at the same time.

But yeah. My reading crew. If you're a writer, I highly recommend you get yourself one. If you write fanfic and are trying to switch over to writing original stuff, I highly recommend you get yourself one. In the dim distant days of the Long Ago Time, authors wrote in a vacuum; no one saw their work till the first draft went to the editor, and no one saw the finished piece till it was published.

I can't operate like that.

Fanfic has gotten me into the habit of posting what would have been called "serials", back in the day, and there's nothing wrong with that; we've been doing it in the West since the invention of movable type in the 17th century. I mean, all of The Three Musketeers was originally posted serially, continuity errors and all (did you know Alexandre Dumas made D'Artagnan a Musketeer twice in that story? Well, now you do).

Modern day serials are great, in that you post a chapter online, and then you get feedback and encouragement to write the next chapter, and then you get more feedback, and so on. Now, I do know people for whom that's not the case -- I've been very blessed to have entered the right fandoms at the right time to build a following -- but for the most part, that's how fanfic works. You post serially, and get feedback between chapters. (In the interests of accuracy, yes, there are people who wait and then post an entire work all at once; I'm not one of them, though, and I don't know how they survive that long without hearing from their audience.)

For me, that cycle of feedback has gotten a little addictive. I need to hear back from someone that my work doesn't suck, that they like where I'm taking the story, that they want to know what happens next. I'm pretty sure I can't publish my novel serially and expect to make any money off of it, but while I'm writing it, I can put together a reading crew who will look my drafts over, offer feedback, and wave their cheerleading pompoms at me to keep me going.

Some people call these folks beta readers (from computer programming, beta testers). I've also heard them called alpha readers, with the argument that a beta's job is more about developmental edits and looking for wacky characterization or continuity errors, after a work is finished. (Dumas probably didn't have a beta.) (Actually, no, I know he didn't, but that's another story.) I have one or two beta readers already, but for this stage of development, they don't need to do any editing; they just offer their thoughts and notes about how different characters are behaving, what they think of the plot as it develops, and so on.

If you're a writer, get yourself a crew of people to read and offer encouragement, until the first draft is done. Be sure to thank them in the acknowledgments. After the first draft is done, send it to your betas. Then prepare to revise. After that... after that is a mysterious land I haven't entered yet, that includes hiring an editor to really go over your piece with a fine-toothed comb.

I'm rambling. What was my point? I have a reading crew and they're wonderful, and they're looking at Chapter 8 of my novel right now. Last night, I chatted with some of them to answer a few world building questions about crime and punishment, and ended up with a really excellent plot point to explore in a later chapter. That was fun. World building is my weakness. I can't stay away from it any more than I can stay away from dark chocolate.

For those following me to this blog from Tumblr, "the hellsite" is having a meltdown right now, and I have a feeling that they're going to lose a LOT of users soon. In anticipation of that, and also in acknowledgement that my novel is not fandom-based but is part of my "real life", I'm expecting to post here a bit more often as my novel progresses. I really, sincerely hope people will be interested in reading about those adventures, and that you'll leave a comment or two on my posts so I know I'm not just shouting into the void.

Take care, everyone, and talk to you soon.

I remember when I had something worth saying

You ever have one of those days that is just utterly discouraging?

I got in an argument with the husband a few days ago, one of those unresolved things that never goes away and no one ever apologizes for, and it hurt, and I've been sort of emotionally off balance ever since.

Related to the argument is an overhanging need of mine, to find steady employment. I mean, freelance is great for the ability to pick and choose my clients... but I need to have clients to choose from. I've decided that what I really need is a publisher to be, you know, my employer. And they can send me things, and I can edit them, and they can give me money, and maybe a benefits package, and life will be good. We could do that, right?

Not today. Today I am feeling useless and unemployable. And overwhelmed and helpless. And... *sigh*. You know. The usual.

I wanted this blog to be a marketing tool except that I hate marketing. I wanted it to be a creativity blog except I haven't done much that was creative in a while, apart from writing lots and lots and lots of fanfic. And of course today, I feel so far from creative it's not even funny.

I just feel sad.

One upside of clinical depression: you get used to functioning while sad, where you can. So I'm doing laundry and catching up on correspondence. And trying to beef up my virtually invisible LinkedIn profile, and maybe poke at my wants-to-be-a-resume...

God, I hate the job search.

Anyway. Like the title says. I remember the days when I had something to say, but today is not one of those days and it feels like I haven't had one of those days for a long time.

A bit about the editing

Hello all,

I just had it pointed out to me, by a friend, in a friendly way, that announcing I'm a freelance editor and then saying nothing about my process or rates was a bit of a tease. Sorry about that; we have established that I suck at marketing, and I didn't want to write what amounted to a commercial, so, yeah.

There are several different types of edit that a manuscript might need, but due to my temperament I have a tendency to end up doing all of them at once on a manuscript. There are also a lot of different names for he different types of edit, so for definitions of terms, I generally send people to Marcy Kennedy's excellent blog post on the subject.

Now, to rates. Editors can charge by the hour or by the word (saying it's by the page is the same thing), and since I work from home and have a kid, it's impossible for me to figure out an hourly rate for anything. Most of my editing ends up falling under the definition of "line edit", which in freelance world generally ranges anywhere from two to six cents per word, based on what little research I've been able to do. That fee depends on how much work the manuscript needs, and the work, as I said above, generally includes copy edit and proofreading stuff as well as a little bit of developmental editing (working out point-of-view usually falls under a developmental edit, but I can't ignore POV errors. I Just Can't).

If you're interested in seeing if you and I are a good fit together, you can always email me a sample of your work. Ten pages, double spaced, 12pt Times New Roman. I will look that over for no charge and give you my impressions, corrections, and commentary, and you can compare my editing style to any other editors you might also be considering. The address is heather dot bungardjanney at gmail dot com. In my response I will also include a quote of what I think I would prefer to charge, with the understanding that haggling is a time-honored art form and you may want to make a counteroffer.

One caveat, which may make us incompatible on this project (although I'd hope you would consider me for other projects in future): Please don't ask me about deadlines. They are my nemesis and I'm still, after two years as an editor, still figuring out the pacing of my work so that I can come up with realistic estimates of how long a manuscript will take to complete. If you're setting your novel in ancient Rome and I'm having to look up historical details and correct all your Latin, the book will take longer. It just will. If my kid is home sick from school, the book will take longer. There are ways you can I can work together to speed the process along, in which case the deadline may end up being dependent on you and not me. If I have three clients all asking for my attention simultaneously, the book will take longer. You get the idea. So yeah... please don't ask me about deadlines.

Tech stuff: I don't own a Mac, so your document needs to be in Microsoft Word format. If we end up working together, I'll ask you to install and use Dropbox (it's free, relax) so that we can share and make changes to the same manuscript. I'll also ask if you're interested in using Google Hangouts for the occasional live chat so that we can each ask the other questions for clarification. Finally, I accept payment via PayPal.

Hmm, and here I've been avoiding putting together a blog post about these details. Thanks to those of you who asked me the question, I've finally gotten off my butt and answered it!

Question for my loyal readers

...all nine of you.

If you were an author and you were checking out an editor to see if you wanted to hire them, what kind of information would you want to see on their website/blog?

I mean, rates, for sure. I figured that much out, but what other information would draw you in? Snippets of other clients' work, like a before-and-after thing? Grouchy rants -- I mean, sharp-witted humor -- about common errors and how not to make them? Links to other editors' pages?

See, the thing is, marketing is a pain in the ass. I'd rather be editing. Someday when I'm able to pay all my bills with editing, I'll hire a marketing person. Or, you know, get hired by a publisher so I have a steady stream of manuscripts. But in the meantime, I need to be all... perky and witty and of course you want to hire me, I'm awesome.

So, let me know, dear readers: what would you want to see from a prospective editor's blog? What would put you off?

Oh, and for the record, I charge by the word, but I'll go into more detail about that in another post.

Gracious, Has It Been That Long?

Hello all,

So it's been over a year since my last post. As a marketing tool, I'm pretty sure that means I fail at blogging. But I'd like to get into the habit of posting here a bit more regularly, and see if it's at all possible to build up a following again, because well-maintained blogs are, in fact, decent marketing tools. They just have to be, y'know, maintained.

My last post - over a year ago, I know, I know - talked about how it would be cool if I could maybe become an editor somewhere. That has happened. I'm still a little bemused and full of wonder over that fact, even a year later, largely because of how it happened.

It's a funny story, really - and also I absolutely can't give anyone any advice for how to break into editing, because, God's honest truth, I became an editor because Neil Gaiman retweeted something from me and the next thing I knew, I had clients.

No, I'm not kidding. This actually happened.

I wanted to be an editor, and had no official, on-the-resume experience in editing, so I didn't know where or how I could possibly get hired. So I sent a tweet to Neil Gaiman, asking him if he knew of anybody who might take an editor with no experience. He has a habit of responding to people, so I figured he might - or an assistant might, heck I dunno - somebody might respond with an idea of where to start looking. Instead, he retweeted my request. Did I mention Neil Gaiman has over a million followers? Yeah. He does.

I got a bunch of responses almost immediately, and to be fair, none of them actually panned out. To be fair again, mainly that was because people were asking questions I wasn't prepared to answer at the time, like, when could I fit them in and what were my rates. BUT, one of those million followers saw the message, and she knew someone who ran a publishing company, and put us in touch with each other, and the next thing I knew I was editing. For almost no money, because it's a small publisher and they can't afford much. But there are different levels of editing, and if manuscripts need a lot of work, they won't take them; instead, they'll recommend editors to their clients to look into on their own dime. So, thanks to them, I've gotten freelance clients, and now I'm editing.

I'm editing on a laptop I was able to purchase with my editing money. One of my clients says that she names her laptops and that I should name mine, and I strongly considered naming it "Neil Gaiman".

Turns out that I don't actually get into naming laptops, so it's just "the laptop". But it's mine and I love it and I only own it because of my editing money, so that's perfectly fine with me.

However! I am not yet self-sufficient with editing. I make grocery money, definitely, and can splurge on things like this laptop every once in awhile, but I don't make enough to pay all my bills, and I'd like to get to that point. So, here I am. Blogging.

Know anybody who wants to publish their story? Have them talk to me. I charge by the word, and what I charge depends on what type of editing they need and how badly the manuscript needs it. And I'd like to get more clients, so, yeah. Pretty much everyone I've had so far has been pleased with my work, except for the guy who was sent to me by the publisher and who disagreed with the notion that his piece needed any editing at all. (IT DID.)

I'm a pretty good editor, I think. But I'm pretty sure I still fail at "marketing blogs".

Showing off some henna

Hello all,

I'm excited to have a booking this coming weekend at a bridal shower, so partly in honor of that, partly as advertisement of my capabilities for any of the guests who might visit, and partly because I feel like showing off, here are some images from the past couple of months.

When I get bookings, I like to really dress myself up with the henna beforehand – again, partly just in the spirit of things, and partly to show my clients what they can expect to see on their own skin.  There's no better way to explain what henna does than to show it!  So, back in August, I went completely nuts on my palm in preparation for a booking with the Phi Mu sorority on campus.

I apologize for the quality of the photos here, but I hadn't yet rediscovered where my real camera had been hiding for the past year or more.  And when I was a kid, phones weren't even portable, much less capable of taking pictures, so quitcher whining.

For the record, I took my sweet time with this design, finishing the index finger over a couple of hours on a Monday night, and the palm over a couple more hours on a Tuesday evening.  Most of my photos show the henna paste still on the skin; that paste is staining your skin with the natural dye contained in henna leaves.  This is what henna actually looks like after after you've let it sit for several hours to absorb as much as you can, rinsed the paste off, and given the design a day or so to darken.

If you look very closely up near the large leaf shape (at the base of the fingers) you can see some "ghost" images of henna.  I slept with the henna paste on, but didn't do the best job of wrapping and protecting it, so when I closed my hand I got a few mirror-images of lines along the major creases there.

This detail of the index finger shows the mirror images very clearly, from the leaf up onto the middle and ring fingers.  Lesson: wrap your henna to protect it and to protect all the places you don't want it to go.

Over the next few days, I'll give you a forearm design I did for the heck of it at a birthday party – not a booking, just an excuse to give some free work to one of our favorite babysitters – and a pair of hands from the farmer's market a few weeks ago. 

Speaking of the market: Weather, illness, more weather, and a kid's double ear infection have kept me away from the market lately, but I really hope to be able to make it there on the 20th. The season ends for good on the 27th, and then I'll have to rely on bookings or else quietly go stir-crazy until next spring.

Cheers, all!

Brochure #2: Booking information

So, you'd like to have some henna done, and the Farmer's Market isn't convenient.  Go ahead and drop me an email or give me a call*, and I'll ask you the following questions.

• Where will we get together?
  • I do not have a storefront apart from my seasonal booth at the Sagamore West Farmer's Market.  I will be happy to come to your home, or to meet somewhere neutral such as a coffeehouse, restaurant, or other party location.
  • In the event that the booking takes place outside Tippecanoe County, I reserve the right to charge for gas/mileage expenses.
• When do you need me?
  • I am available every weekday except Wednesdays, usually on fairly short notice, although I prefer at least three days' advance notice for my bookings.  For Saturdays and Sundays, you will need to call me at least 7 days in advance so that I can arrange my schedule accordingly.
• How long will you need me?
  • This is an important consideration when you are planning your booking.  Each henna design takes a certain length of time to apply; naturally, the actual length of time depends on the design's size and complexity.  If you want me to cover two dozen guests in an hour, be prepared for small, cute and simple.
  • Another factor which is often overlooked is what I call the "pace" of the party.  At an especially laid-back event, it can take fifteen minutes or longer for a guest to wander over to my chair and get their design.  If you don't mind having the party run long, that's not a problem; however, if you'd like to be able to kick your guests out at a reasonable hour in the evening, we'll need to work together to keep my client chair occupied!
• How many people will be there?
  • If you only plan to have yourself and maybe one other person with you, you are a "private appointment", with no minimum fee.  Four or more clients count as a "party", with a minimum fee of $30 for the event.
    • The minimum fee is a "safety net" for me, which I have yet to use.  It works like this: Let's say you plan to have 12 guests at your party, but then only a few people actually show up.  If for some reason I can't earn at least $30 from those guests, then you (the host) would be responsible for covering the difference.
• How would you like to pay? (For parties of four or more)
  • Informal In an "informal" setting like a moms' group or ladies' night, the host arranges for me to be there, and each client pays for their own henna design. As long I am able to earn my $30 minimum, the host will not need to pay for anything extra, other than whatever henna you want for yourself.
  • Formal In a "formal" setting, such as a bridal shower or birthday party, the host and I agree in advance on a set amount of henna per person, which the host will pay for. (Example: a bridal shower where the hostess arranged to cover $10 per guest.) If a guest wants henna beyond the pre-set cost, they can cover the difference themselves.  This way the host will not have any unexpected costs, and guests wanting extra henna for themselves won't have to pay the full price.
  • I accept either cash or checks; my business is not equipped to process credit cards.

*My contact information:

heather DOT bungardjanney AT gmail DOT com
765-463-6452

I hope to hear from you!

Cheers,
Heather

Brochure #1: Common questions

Here in the Midwest, not too many people are familiar with henna art.  Here are answers to the questions I hear the most when I'm running my booth.

• What is that?
  • This stuff is called henna, or sometimes mehndi or mehandi.  (Technically, henna is the stuff, and mehndi is what I'm doing with it.)
  • Henna is a "vegetable dye", a natural dye found in the leaves of the henna plant.  It stains the skin, just like blueberries make your tongue turn purple, or mustard stains your shirt.  It is not a chemical dye; I have never and will never use artificial ingredients in my henna mix.
  • Growers harvest henna leaves, dry and powder them, and sell the powder to people like me.  I mix the powder into a paste with other ingredients, then I draw designs on your skin with it.  The dye soaks in and stains your skin.
• Is that a real tattoo?
  • No. People call it a tattoo because it's artwork done on your skin, but that's the ONLY thing henna has in common with real tattoos.
  • Real tattoos use needles to inject colors into the inner layer of your skin, to make them permanent.  I'm drawing on the outer layer of your skin.  Some henna artists do use plain syringes, without needles, to draw very fine lines in their designs.
  • Laws vary from state to state, but in general, tattoos must be applied in a medically clean environment (antiseptic soap, alcohol wipes, medical gloves, all that) and only to people who are 18 or over.  That just doesn't work in an outdoor booth or a private party!
• How do you put it on?
  • I put the paste into little "cones" made from plastic gift wrap, and squeeze the paste out through the tip.  It's just like decorating a cake, only smaller.  Then the paste dries on your skin, and as you leave it there, the henna dye in the paste soaks in.
  • Along with the syringes I mentioned, some artists thin the paste out so that it's more like watercolor, and paint it on the skin with a soft brush!  I haven't tried that yet, though.
• Does it hurt?
  • It shouldn't!  Most people say that it tickles a little bit.  If you have a sensitivity or allergy to one of the ingredients in my paste, that could irritate your skin.  If it does, please tell me, because it means I need to stop.
  • Not every "henna artist" uses natural, safe henna.  Chemical dyes can cause severe damage to your skin. Please see my brochure on "henna safety" for more details, including ways to tell the difference between henna and chemical dyes.
• How dark is it going to get? How long does it last?
  • That depends on a lot of factors; the biggest three are the quality of the henna paste itself, where it is applied, and how long you leave it on your skin.  Other factors include skin chemistry, certain medications, stress levels, even menopause.
  • The dye in the henna paste needs to be able to soak into your skin.  Putting a design on good, thick skin, and leaving the paste for a good long time, will get the darkest and longest-lasting stains.
  • The thickest skin on  your body is on the palms of your hands and soles of your feet.  Second best are the backs of the hands and tops of the feet.  From there, skin generally gets thinner and more delicate as you move inward.  The elderly, young kids, and pregnant bellies have the thinnest skin and will take the least stain.
  • At the extreme, stains can last anywhere between three days and three weeks, but 10-14 days is typical.
• Does it come in other colors?
  • Yes and no.  Being a plant, henna naturally stains in a range from orange-tan through to chocolate or coffee color brown, depending on how fresh it is, where it was harvested, and the quality of the crop itself.  Some people find that henna will stain their skin a bright cherry red that never turns to brown, but this has to do with their skin chemistry.  I currently have an exceptional batch of henna, harvested in 2007, that can stain palms to a very dark "plum skin" color, and a rich brown elsewhere.
  • There are natural dyes such as indigo, turmeric, and wine that are sometimes used to add tints to a henna design (blue, yellow, and rose), but these don't last as long as the henna itself.
  • There is a form of henna art called "gilding" that uses a paste made from hair gel, glue, and cosmetic glitter to draw designs in very bright colors, complete with jewels stuck into the paste as it dries; however, there is no henna or any other dye in gilding pastes, and the color disappears as soon as you remove the paste.
  • REAL HENNA IS NEVER BLACK.
• How long should I leave it on?
  • The longer, the better!
  • The dye in henna paste needs plenty of time to soak into your skin; a good paste can leave a very faint stain in as little as twenty minutes, but it takes as much as 3-6 hours for a really good stain to develop.  Generally, after about 8-12 hours, your skin has absorbed all the dye it can.
  • Some people will even "seal" the paste onto the skin (with hair gel, spray-on bandage, medical tape, or a sugar glaze) to keep it in place, wrap it carefully, and sleep in it overnight.  I usually tell kids to remove the paste before they go to sleep, so that parents don't have to worry about the paste crumbling in bed.
• Can I go swimming/take a shower/sleep in it?
  • If you're talking about the paste, no.  Water will rinse the paste off, or just smear it around and wreck the design.  Sleeping in it is possible with a little preparation.
  • If you're talking about the stain itself, sure!  Scrubbing it too hard might make it wear off more quickly, and swimming can as well, but the stain should still last a few days at least.
• Can you put a design…?
  • On my feet? If you are wearing shoes, I can't put a design on your feet.  I'm thrilled that you are willing to take your shoes off, but you won't be able to put them back on without destroying the design.  The same thing goes for leg designs under long pants, arm designs under long sleeves, and so on.
  • Around my arm? I will cheerfully put a design on the outside of your arm; however, a full arm-band is not practical or comfortable for either of us.  You would need to keep your arm out away from your body the entire time I'm working, the twenty minutes it will take the design to dry afterward, and however long you want to keep it without rubbing it off all over your shirt.
  • Around my ankle? Yes, I can do ankle bracelets; they start at $10 because they require more work than most other designs.
  • Tee-hee, right here? Henna will stain any part of your skin, and I will apply it pretty much anywhere that you feel comfortable baring in front of me.  Keep in mind, though, that most of my business is done either in a public setting or at parties with other guests.  I reserve the right to refuse any request that I decide is inappropriate.

Henna days are here again…

Hello all!  It's been awhile; I hope you're all well and content with life.

The Sagamore West Farmer's Market kicks off this coming Wednesday, May 5, and I will be there and open for business every Wednesday between then and October 27, as long as the weather cooperates.  For this Wednesday only, the first client of the season will get their design for free, up to a $10 value, so come early and remind me why I love the farmer's market so much.  (I don't just go for the cookies, you know.)

The first Mosey Down Main Street of the season will be on Saturday, May 8, and I will be on hand for that as well, beginning roughly 5pm.  "The Mosey" takes place on the second Saturday of each month, with the exception of Labor Day weekend, and I plan to be on hand for all of them.

Over the next few weeks, I will be updating my henna brochures.  There will be a total of four: The first answers those questions I get asked most often when I'm at my booth, and the second provides booking information for private appointments, parties, and so on.  Brochures 3 and 4 are still being written, and will go into detail about caring for your finished henna design and about how to recognize the difference between safe, natural henna and chemical dyes like PPD "black henna".

I more or less dropped off the face of the Internet for a few months, even though I did have a couple of bookings between January and now, so I'll also have some photos forthcoming from those events.  Thanks as always are due to my clients for graciously providing their images to share.

I hope to see you soon!

Best,
Heather

My newest project – Internet Marketing

Well, kind of, anyway.

If you found a link to this post somewhere (and if you did, PLEASE tell me where) and followed it hoping I could tell you How I Made 17 Bajillion Dollars Online In Just One Week And You Can Too No Really, then I'm sorry.  I don't really make any money online as far as I know.  I do henna for people at parties and such, and have a great time doing it.  My phone number is over there in the sidebar, which is pretty much the entirety of my "online" marketing.  My "offline" marketing being pretty much my business cards, and word of mouth.

So, no: not a marketer.  No articles here.  Certainly nothing to buy for $237 197 127 57 only $27.

No, what I've been doing is reading stuff online about how to become an internet marketer, and now that I've gone wallowing in the smelly end, I'm here to pass along my newly attained wisdom – mainly because I wouldn't want anyone I care about to go getting themselves smelly, either.

Gem O'Wisdom #1: Internet Marketing itself isn't actually dirty.

The phrase itself – Internet Marketing – has become associated with people yelling at you to Buy Their Stuff So You Yes YOU Can Become Wealthy.  But look at the words, and you just have "internet" – the online world and all its joys – and "marketing" – selling stuff.

And yes, anybody really can sell things online.  Have you ever run or been to a garage sale?  You don't have to be an entrepreneur to sort through your stuff, put price tags on the stuff you don't want anymore, put an ad in the paper, and open up your front yard to people so they can come shop.

Internet marketing – selling stuff online – is the exact same thing.  There are ways to go about it that anyone can follow.  You can sell potted plants online, and people do.  The one major difference between selling stuff online and selling it in the real world is that there is ONE product that is easier to get online than off.  That one product - the one big thing that you (yes, you) can give people online, that they can't necessarily get from you in the regular world – is your knowledge.

You can put together little articles where you tell people what you know about growing orchids, or knitting baby booties, or grilling the perfect steak, and you can put that out there for people to buy.  Or you can review other people's products and maybe earn a commission for that; or maybe you set up shop as an affiliate, which is simply selling other people's stuff for them and getting a commission from those sales.

See? That's not so hard.

The loud noise you're hearing about Internet Marketing is simply coming from people who are trying to sell you their product – and their product is information in how to go about making money online.

You can't really blame them – but you have to admit that people selling orchids are a lot quieter.

Gem O'Wisdom #2:  Good lord there are a lot of scams out there.

Since the biggest market for selling things online is actually in How To Sell Things Online, it's only natural that a: there's plenty of room for con artists to hide, and b: sooner or later someone will try to make a quick buck by promising you that you can make a quick buck – 'cause who doesn't want to make money without having to sweat over it?

Laws are changing, finally, so the ones that don't will eventually become harder to trip over, but the fact remains that there are a lot of offers out there that are worthless.  A really great place to hit in order to look up potential scams is I've Tried That where, as they say themselves, "we lose money so you don't have to".  They sign up for everything, run through the programs, look for customer support, try to clarify what the heck it is you're supposed to be doing for the various Great Opportunities out there, and then tell you which ones work and which ones don't.  Then they write their reviews with clarity, which I respect, and a sense of humor, which I really really respect.

My personal favorite is the one where you make money by selling products to other people telling them how to make money by selling products to other people telling them how to…. are you noticing a pattern here?  The advice actually sucks, but people pay you for it because they don't have any way to look inside the cover or listen to a sample track, the way you can with books or CDs in any reputable business, online or otherwise.  So you buy the garbage and then the only way to recover your loss is to turn around and try to sell the garbage yourself.  And maybe you do manage to sell some, so it's not a true scam because after all you did make money… but it's not ethical, that's for sure.

Gem O'Wisdom #3: The marketers have largely fallen victim to their own press.

If you ever watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, you've probably seen one of the ways he likes to make fun of the major news networks.  For those of you who haven't seen it, it goes like this:

Major news networks try very hard to stand out from one another and convince viewers that they are the most trustworthy source for information.  And then they turn around and all latch onto the exact same sound-bites and catch-phrases… which The Daily Show puts together into a glorious montage where you get to actually see just how thoroughly the news anchors all mimic one another.

Well.

Internet marketers do this too.  If I have to read the word "guru" or see any of the other funky acronyms like SEO, PPC, CPA, or all the rest of the vocabulary, I want to be paid for it.  Seriously.  Send me a nickel every time you make me look at one of these words in your Next Big Thing Of Internet Marketing.

Part of the reason for this is that a great many of them are hooked together in vast networks of "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours".  Let me 'splain.

Pretend I have a store.  I sell things.  I need customers to buy my things, which means I need customers to come through the door to look at my things.  In the real world I put out signs and welcome you in, show you my things, and hope that my friendliness and quality will convince you to not only buy my things, but to come back later and buy more of my things.

Online, my "store" would be a webpage, blog, or just the blurb over on EBay about the velvet Elvis paintings that I'm trying to get out of the house.  Anybody who surfs the internet could potentially walk through my door and check my things, i.e., visit my website/blog/whatever.  I'm not actually there, since it's likely that people are surfing the web at 3am, so if I'm going to interact with you at ALL, I need your email address so I can talk to you that way.  I'll offer you something free, in exchange for your address, and once I have it, I put you on my mailing list and I send you offers.

Internet marketers worship at the altar of traffic, because visitors mean potential customers, and they do everything they can to build their list of email addresses, under the logic that this means more customers they actually get to talk to.

Unless you're me, in which case you sign up for the free stuff, get the link in your email for the free stuff, download it, and then immediately get the hell off their email lists…

...because if you don't, they will send you offers.  Lots and lots of offers for things that they may or may not have anything to do with.  Offers of free stuff from their sites, offers of pay stuff from their sites, and best of all, offers of free or pay stuff from their "good friend" who just happens to also be an internet marketer.  And if you want to get the free stuff from the good friend, you will also need to sign up to join their list.  Rinse, repeat.

I have a little 5x7 notebook in front of me as I type this.  It has about seven pages of names in it, names of marketers whose lists I signed up for, so as to get their free stuff.  (I admit it, I'm poor, and I'm cheap.) Under each name I wrote down who they're connected to and making offers on behalf of – because once I got up to 300 emails over the course of a weekend, I needed to keep track of whom I was signed up with, whom they were trying to interest me in, and whether or not I had already signed up with those people.

Do you have any idea how many people are "good friends" of the same guy and are offering me the exact same package from, using the exact same wording?  My personal favorite: "I just got off the phone with my good buddy [internet marketer guy], and convinced him to let me offer this to you for free."

Funny, this guy must be really easy to convince when you realize that I got that email from five people, who have ALL just gotten off the phone with him.

Anyway.

The end result of all this is that the internet marketers are largely all offering similar products, with similar vocabulary, and similar assumptions about what is important – namely, traffic, building email lists, and getting noticed in the search engines.

I'm not saying these guys are scammers; in fact I think many of them are probably selling legitimate products that they really  believe in.  I'm only saying that it gets really, really repetitious, and boring, to see the same offers coming to my Inbox from several different lists.  I'm not completely sure these guys are aware themselves of just how intertwined their efforts have become.

Naturally, there are a few exceptions to all this, and if you can find them, they tend to be gems.  (Or scams, but those are getting easier to spot.) The gems are interested in helping you learn how to sell YOUR stuff, not convert you to the worship of traffic.  It's really, really easy to get sidetracked into focusing on all these things that the marketers tell you are important, when for the most part they're only important to the marketers themselves.

Let me put it another way.  If you want to learn how to sell your stuff, you'll make money eventually.  If you want to learn how to make money online, you'll focus on all the methods of selling without necessarily having anything to sell.  The gems will teach you the methods, but will keep the focus on you, and how to help you sell your stuff.

One of them I only just discovered today is a guy named Ian at Conversation Marketing.  His premise is the radical notion that more traffic is not necessarily better traffic, and that dressing up in a yellow jacket and red tie and hollering like Crazy Eddie The Used-Car Salesman may not be the best way for you to actually find a customer who wants to buy your stuff.

***

I've rattled on long enough about this.  If you like, I'll be happy to throw together another post where I talk about all the other things they have in common – like the wording on their sales pages, or why they all think it's necessary to price their stuff with a "7" in it.

Or, I could give you a list of who all is promoting whom; or maybe breakdown some of the basic options you have for trying to promote and sell your stuff.

Or, I could try and convince you to give me a phone call and book me, so you can buy my stuff.

Cheers!

Octoberfest Henna Special

It looks like my new spiffy business cards have arrived in time for Octoberfest, and I am very excited.  In fact, I'm so excited that if you have one of my OLD business cards and bring it in, I will give you a 20% discount on your next henna design.

This offer is good at Octoberfest and the Farmer's Market until it closes at the end of the month.  Come on in, bring a friend, get them hooked on introduce them to henna too.

Cheers!

Various and sundry

Hello, all ye faithful readers (all two of you, or whatever).

I have a personal motto that Pennsic, the massive camping event I went to a couple of weeks back, isn't over until you've gotten all the dirt out from under your toenails. While this sounds icky, it's actually pretty accurate, because it usually takes that long to put the camping gear away, do all the accumulated laundry, and otherwise recover from the vacation that was supposed to be helping you recover from life.

Man, I love Pennsic. I had forgotten how much; the last time I went was two or three years ago. I took all kinds of classes, learned nifty historical things, and fed my troubling obsession with colored string. I learned something called stick-weaving, another embroidery technique, bought some yarn for no good reason, and some filament or "flat" silk thread to go with the new embroidery technique. Luckily I don't have any projects to use it on just now. I also painted a bedsheet-sized banner as a tongue-in-cheek response to an award a friend was recently given.

Any banner that has "The Man, The Myth, The Legend" across the top is a good banner.

***

Speaking of embroidery, the project I've been working on all this time is still progressing. About the most exciting development is that I got thoroughly sick of gray and brown tree trunks and treated myself to some rust (I know, try not to be too scandalized) for the sleeves of the lady figure. I know how boring neutral tones can get, and I thought it would be smart to get them out of the way first, but they're driving me so batty that I don't want to pick up the needle and do them. 'Specially the tree trunks, because the shading there isn't straightforward the way I expect it to be everywhere else.

Okay, the design is of a woman and child in medieval dress, standing between two trees. The whole look of the thing is meant to resemble a medieval manuscript, and I'm using a medieval technique called opus anglicanum to work it. Mostly this means everything is done in split stitch except the outlines, and I get to use different colors for shading. The shading had me worried, so I finally traced a copy of the design, and then sat down with a pencil and went over the gowns until I had a good range of lights and darks. Then I outlined every section where there was an obvious difference between the tones - so now I have a shading map that pretty neatly tells me where to put which color to get the results I'm after.

The tree trunks don't work that way. I'm basically winging it with two shades of brown and two of gray. They're skinny enough that it shouldn't take me much longer to finish them - I'm on the second one now - but they're still bugging me, and they're boring anyway.

The only other colors I have completed right now are white, cream, and a very light yellow, so the rust is actually the snazziest thing going right now. Plus the sleeves are a teeny area to work, so they make a nice diversion that won't keep me off the tree trunks for too long.

***

Beloved Husband took a hedge-trimmer and helped demolish massive amounts of Stupid Prairie Grass. Another thing I learned from Pennsic is a medieval way to prep the ground for gardening: It's this nifty period weed killer called scalding hot water. Now that the grass is mowed almost to the ground, I'm going to go back through, trim it as close as I can, and then use our tea maker/hot pot to boil up a few liters at a time and go cook me some unwanted plant life.

Yes, prairie grass can be lovely. But you need to make up your mind whether you're doing a prairie grass sort of landscape, or a flower garden, and then keep the damn grass out of the flower beds.

***

Classes resumed at the local university today. I have to quote my friend Ned, who always liked to say that "it's a lovely campus - shame about all the students." Not only have several thousand freshmen arrived who've never driven in this city before, there are a few hundred students from abroad who have likely never driven in this country before. Campus will be an interesting place to GO NOWHERE NEAR for a few weeks, until things settle down a bit.

***

On the other hand, all those students make for lots of potential henna clients. I'm still at the Farmer's Market, will be at Global Fest in two weeks, hope to get in at Octoberfest in the early part of the month, and now I've got a classified ad running in the campus newspaper. Now I just need to get my booking "brochure" up here and run a few hundred more business cards, and I ought to be good to go.

Odd, I certainly don't feel like I've been this busy.
Cheers, y'all.

Good news, bad news

The good news - the wimple and veil were almost completed....
bad news - in the wrong colors.

The good news - I apparently know how to make my stitches good and solid and secure...
bad news - which makes them a royal pain to pick back out.

*sigh*

***

Now taking suggestions for a domain name and website ideas... I think I'm going to take the good folks at Mobiuz up on their offer, once I figure out what sort of site I want to build.

New residents, new opportunities

Yeah, okay, this has nothing to do with my creative endeavors, but everything to do with beauty, so...

Our housing addition has a pond. I don't know how far I can go to call it a habitat, since they mow down to the water's edge and treat the water to counteract all the lawn chemicals that wash in and cause algae blooms, but still. Pond, fish, frogs, and drop-in visits from ducks, geese, and about every other year a family of muskrats takes up residence in one of the culverts and starts undermining the bank.

Well, we also get great blue herons, one of my favorite birds. Last year a really HUGE one got his foot caught in a muskrat trap - I know this because I was the one who noticed he'd been in the same spot all day, and got close enough to confirm how badly he was stuck.

This year it's either a different heron, or he was immature last year and has come into his full color this year, because he is spectacular. All the pictures you see with the shiny white head, black streak across the eye, kind of shaggy feathers on the throat and chest?... This particular bird looks like he has a sideline modeling for the Audobon calendar.

Yesterday and today, for the first time, I've seen a kingfisher in the area. Yesterday he was on a wire about a mile off, along the route I drive to take the kiddo to preschool. This morning he was sitting on the culvert at the pond. Yes, the same one that the muskrats like so well.

I'm going to miss the house swallows this year, though; they were living in a mailbox just across the street from the pond, and for some reason the homeowner wasn't too happy about that. Barn swallows are this really rich midnight blue with orange chest and bellies; house swallows are an equally rich deep teal-green, with white chest and bellies. I'd never seen them before last year, but in the fall the guy took down his mailbox and replaced it with something harder for birds to set up housekeeping in.

***

At the event where I taught the henna class, I also proved once again that I needed a chaperone anytime there is colored thread around. But they were five skeins for a dollar, and how can you pass up a deal like that?

Things are actually progressing with the embroidery thing. I'm outlining the lady's wimple and veil right now. You might recall a griffin I mentioned doing in Bayeux stitch; I gave it to a friend of mine whose "kingdom" emblem is a gryphon, and she said it would probably end up being part of the front panel for an early-period gown. Cool. Probably I should ask her to send me a picture of it, since I never thought to take one.

***

When you're clinically depressed, it's too easy to fall into the trap of struggling to be "happy" as the opposite of "sad." Thing is, happiness comes in moments and snippets. A guy I know describes it as the butterfly landing on your shoulder - beautiful, but impossible to try and keep around. What is better, according to my counselor and my college memories, is the idea of "peace" as the opposite of "suffering". So I've been checking in with myself yesterday and today, asking what feels peaceful to me, what brings me contentment, that kind of thing.

Or, as a great many sources of wisdom like to say, "Pain is; suffering is optional." Another way it gets phrased is, of course, "shit happens"... it's how you handle the shit that determines, oh, pretty much everything.

***

Had an email out of the blue (heh - out of the ether (I'm so clever)) from a guy who wants to host a web domain and site for me, for free, simply because he likes to assist artists and the arts. Sadly, I keep finding myself trying to examine the horse's teeth, just because it's been awhile since something like this has dropped into my lap without conscious effort on my part. All I did was leave some business cards somewhere and the guy found one.

Also, I have no freaking idea what domain name to pick. Just my name isn't very catchy, nor does it describe what I do... but like this blog, I do a lot more than just henna, even if that's the only art I'm making money with at the moment.

Hmmmm... suggestions welcome, both serious and otherwise.

***

Anyone know how to repair a stepping stone that has cracked into four pieces, just from having a three-year-old walk on it? This was the one I discovered had poorly mixed concrete, and was crumbling around the edges and all that.

I'd really rather not redo the mosaic from scratch, nor "recycle" the thing by chipping each piece of glass out of the broken sections to rebuild into another stone. Even though that probably would be both faster and the wiser course to take. That damn thing took me about a year to finally finish; I really don't want to dork with it anymore if I can help it.

***

I think I'm on an upswing emotionally; I can tell I'm improving when my brain starts providing me with song lyrics without my asking. Today it was "Beer Run" while at the cashier, paying with a $10 and getting back a $5. If you've never heard the song, try to imagine a nice hillbilly twang and someone going "yee-ha" in the background. It doesn't have a banjo, but it should.

B, double-E, double-R-U-N, Beer Run,
B, double-E, double-R-U-N, Beeeer, Ru-un,
All we need is a ten and a fiver
A car and a key and a so-ber dri-ver
B, double-E, double-R-U-N, Beer Runnnn.

Not sure who wrote it, but it plays on Bob and Tom every now and again, so I guess it qualifies as their contribution to American culture.

I will continue to agree with Steve Martin's (very old) assertion that it is impossible to remain unhappy when a banjo is playing. 'Course, at the time I'm sure he'd never heard Bela Fleck playing BACH on banjo... which would only serve to confirm, reinforce, and utterly and competely prove the point.

New directions

I got a phone call last night to work a bridal shower! I'm not sure which is more exciting - that I'll be doing the shower, that the lady heard about me from two different sources, or that I finally figured out a party rate that I think will be fair for all parties.

For those curious: Parties consist of a non-refundable $30 booking fee, and then a design-per-guest charge which the HOST gets to set. For example, if you want your eight-year-olds to have simple designs, you would probably be looking at $2 to $5 per kid. For something bigger and fancier, oh I don't know, say a bridal shower?, you might consider something like $10 per guest to cover more detailed or larger work.

I REALLY like this structure, because the host gets to determine how much they are willing or able to pay, thus how detailed the work will be for each of their guests. I get an idea ahead of time of how much work I will be expected to do, and the guests themselves have the opportunity to pay for any additional work at a reduced price, since the host will be covering the first part of the design cost.
(In other words, if you want a $15 design, and your host has covered $10 of that, then you would only need to pay $5 to make up the difference.)

***

I'll have to add more later about the "new directions" I'm going with books, origami (husband is already rolling his eyes), and a nifty book I just learned about titled Snoop. At the moment I'm on the verge of being late for a doctor's appointment that has been rescheduled twice now. Stupid physicals.

Is "kick ass" a marketing term?

So, as I described last time, on Friday I was booked to set up outside the entrance to a local health food/herbal place and do henna; I think this counts as my first booking. This pleases me. *grin*

Anyway, I set up in the shade I mention this because I got a reflected sunburn anyway), put out my tip jar, and hung out. Pretty much everyone I worked on was either an employee or a friend/offspring of an employee, but since I did somewhere around ten designs (I lost track) and actually walked away with some cash in the tip jar, I didn't mind.

Even better was the part where the store staff said they loved having me, and wanted me to come back next Friday. They'd prefer Saturdays since they get more traffic then (yay!), but my weekends are not good this entire month. Maybe in June we can set something up, which would rock.

One of the employees (we'll call her "Jennifer") looks to become my first regular customer; she was so excited that I was coming that she dressed up for the occasion, took one look at my sketches and the work on my hands, and said, "free rein!" She did take photos, and she did promise to email them to me, which is good, because I was really happy with just about every design I did. And I was ecstatic with the one I did for her.

Lately, for no good reason I've been obsessed with Arabian/Persian-rug type patterns instead of the Indian stuff I've been learning. I'd had an idea that morning for a pattern that I wanted to incorporate somehow, and Jennifer seemed to be the person to try it with. It turned out approximately ten times better than I had anticipated. We both freaked out with joy; and then she worked the cash register for the next several hours, so lots of customers got to see it and also freak out with joy. Assuming I get those photos soon, I will definitely add that one to my blog for y'all.

***

I never intended for this blog to become strictly about henna; things just seem to be working beautifully in that aspect of my life, and I'm willing to run with it as far as I possibly can. I do intend to sit down this week and complete the unfinished mosaic that's been sitting on my table for way, way too long now. Of course, I'm doing that to free up space for my cutting mat, so I can make more henna cones... but let's not go there right now, let's just discuss the mosaic!

***

And now, my daughter would like to say something.
f/ bb.b.vh/.n h.n h/mmjl kl;l/'/h.hy 'vly pyg/ttrtkk6t

Hmm, I guess maybe I am a farmer

The nice people at the "west side" Farmer's Market had never heard of henna art before, but were kind enough to chat with me, check out the pictures right here on this very blog, talk it over with the various "channels", and... they called me back and said, verbatim, "We think you would be a welcome addition" to the market! Whee!

My daughter loved my hand the last time I put a bird on it, so this is virtually identical to that first one (no picture for it), only a bit more elaborate - smaller leaves, little fill dots, all that good stuff. I didn't seal the henna to keep it from peeling off, so some of it was gone within four hours, while the leaves along the outside heel of the hand stayed intact till about 1:30 am, when I decided to remove the paste that was left. Hence the darker stain. Considering that this is supposed to be "cheap lousy" henna, I'm pretty impressed.

Actually, I worked on this design while I was at another of those re-enactment events this past weekend, and people who saw me were intrigued enough that I ended up working on four other hands, feet, and ankles. And I got real tips this time. I just spent them today (excuse me, "rolled the profits back into the business") on another couple bottles of essential oils. Not everyone likes tea tree, after all.

I do wish, however, that someone had warned me that all the best essential oils for use in henna are also the most expensive on the shelf.

I'm not actually a farmer, but...

Just got off the phone with representatives from the two farmers' markets in our area. Assuming that they decide henna isn't too weird for them, I might be able to get a booth at one or both markets, and work enough henna magic to earn my lunch money (or at least to cover the booth fees, I'm not picky).

Lafayette I'm not so sure about; they seem to have a slightly stricter policy on who can and can't sell there, and I don't know for certain that I fit. There's something of a more conservative, traditional "feel" there from the visits I've made. West side, though, feels a little more like a mini-carnival. They have t-shirt and jewelry sellers as well as the fruits and veggies (and homemade cookies!), and I feel pretty confident that I'd fit right in, if they'll have me.

Crossed fingers and knocking on wood - let's hope for a good outcome.

Issues with self-confidence

I have a million ideas, I'm a skilled writer, but I'm not so great with the marketing. What little I've done suggests, strongly, that the markets I thought would want my booklets are actually not interested, because they have plenty of other sources available to them.

Things are still up in the air regarding teaching the classes at the pottery studio.

The mosaic booklet has sold zero copies despite my efforts to date - although in fairness, there is still plenty that I can do to promote it without annoying anyone except, possibly, me.

I haven't done any calligraphy in months, except for a commission in February that took me three hours to finish; the calligraphy space is currently occupied by a mosaic that has remained in the same state of "unfinished" as it was when I started writing the booklet.

Okay, yes, I suffer frrom depression and it's easier for me to become discouraged than to become my own cheerleader; but still. My efforts aren't bearing any fruit right now, the one with the best chance of becoming a regular job (calligraphy) is in stasis, and here I am creating a blog about my "career". I'm feeling kind of like a hypocrite, and a failure.

*sigh*

And this blog was originally meant to focus on the art and the writing, and serve as a bit of a marketing tool, but I don't know that telling the world I think I'm a hypocrite is really going to help me sell much of anything.

Like I said. Issues with self-confidence. Maybe I should eat some breakfast and see if that helps my mood.