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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

I remember when I had something worth saying

You ever have one of those days that is just utterly discouraging?

I got in an argument with the husband a few days ago, one of those unresolved things that never goes away and no one ever apologizes for, and it hurt, and I've been sort of emotionally off balance ever since.

Related to the argument is an overhanging need of mine, to find steady employment. I mean, freelance is great for the ability to pick and choose my clients... but I need to have clients to choose from. I've decided that what I really need is a publisher to be, you know, my employer. And they can send me things, and I can edit them, and they can give me money, and maybe a benefits package, and life will be good. We could do that, right?

Not today. Today I am feeling useless and unemployable. And overwhelmed and helpless. And... *sigh*. You know. The usual.

I wanted this blog to be a marketing tool except that I hate marketing. I wanted it to be a creativity blog except I haven't done much that was creative in a while, apart from writing lots and lots and lots of fanfic. And of course today, I feel so far from creative it's not even funny.

I just feel sad.

One upside of clinical depression: you get used to functioning while sad, where you can. So I'm doing laundry and catching up on correspondence. And trying to beef up my virtually invisible LinkedIn profile, and maybe poke at my wants-to-be-a-resume...

God, I hate the job search.

Anyway. Like the title says. I remember the days when I had something to say, but today is not one of those days and it feels like I haven't had one of those days for a long time.

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